I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
