she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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