Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
