mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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