My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
