I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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