pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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