Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
