yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
