your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
