dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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