Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
