Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize