I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize