I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
