went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
