Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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