Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
