So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
