i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
