i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize