I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
