dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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