We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
