im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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