The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
