apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
