remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
