he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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