I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
