laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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