You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
