if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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