so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
