I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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