went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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