take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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