his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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