So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
