I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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