just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
