Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
