How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
