You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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