I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
