when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
