Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
