nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
