And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
