You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
