I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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