Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
