Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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