similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
