I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
