Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
