It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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