The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
