They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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