you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
