I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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