I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
