You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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