I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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