I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
