PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize