i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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