In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
