You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
