No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
