3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
