There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
