the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
