No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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