yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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