is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
