I am full of burrito and curiosity
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
