I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
