Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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