My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
