Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You are a genius and a whore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
